Dearest
by Ziven
Summary: Inuyasha contemplates his feelings for Kagome. Songfic to Dearest kinda obviously . one-shot, character death. Rated the way it is because DDW has not yet gotten used to new rating system, so just to be safe


**Dearest **

_It would be nice if we could put away and throw out_  
_Everything except what really mattered,  
__But reality is just cruel._

Look, I regret a lot of things in my life: getting Kikyou killed, not falling in love with her again, eating those berries that turned out to make me sick that one time—but I've never done anything as horrible as this.

It makes me wish she was here right now. God, I wish Kagome hadn't died.

I know what you're thinking, but for once, it wasn't my fault. Really. I mean it. She had tried so hard to help me defeat Naraku. In fact, it was the last of her strength that truly killed him.

Too bad I didn't realise I loved her until she was gone.

_In such times,  
__I see you laughing  
__Whenever I close my eyes._

Kagome…you have no idea how much I miss you. How much I want you here so I can hold you in my arms and tell you I love you. Everyone else misses you, too, Kagome; none of us will ever be the same. Miroku, in your honor, has stopped being such a damn flirt; Sango has been training harder than ever to be strong, like you; and don't tell the squirt I said this, but he's developing his powers pretty well for a demon…

It kinda surprises me how much it takes to make us think about life, Kagome…

Oh, and just so you know, that damn wolf, Kouga, finally stopped talking to me.

He thinks I killed you.

Sometimes, I wonder if he's right. I wonder if I killed you, too, but then…your face appears, and you tell me, "Its not your fault, Inuyasha. None of it is…"

Is that you? Or…is that something I made up…to ease my own pain?

_Until the day I reach eternal sleep,  
__That smiling face will  
__Have to stay with me without fail._

Can you see me up there, Kagome? Can you see me? Are you watching me now?

Can you hear my voice when I speak to you?

If you_ do_ watch me, if you_ can_ hear me, then you very well know that…that I—

I killed Kikyou. Again.

But you understand, don't you? She wasn't really Kikyou. She wouldn't have done the things she's done, say the things she's told both you _and_ me, if she were Kikyou, if she were really alive. And she had stolen your soul. If had had that small piece when you fought Naraku, just that small piece of life…you might still be here.

That wasn't the only reason, though. She had tried to seduce me. Again. I think that you were with me, though, protecting me; I didn't fall for her false promises and miko magic this time. Even if she _was_ Kikyou—

Nevermind. I don't like to think about that…if Kikyou hadn't died, I never would have met you, or see your beautiful smile.

I hope that the rest of you soul, the part that Kikyou had, finds you. Wouldn't it be great if you could join with the rest of you soul?

People are all sad, so 

_They go and forget, but—  
__For that which I should love,  
__For that which gives me love, I will do what I can._

Today, Sango told me that I should have moved on with my life, that you would want me to. I'm living my life, dammit! I-I just…

I don't' want to forget you. I will never forget you.

I yelled at her after that, and although she left me alone, I really thought about what I should do. I honestly don't think you want me to forget you, but I know, if were here, you'd help me get through whatever the hell was bothering me. What should I do, Kagome?

I'd do anything for you. Just give me a sign, dammit!

Why did you… why did you have to go? Why…did you have to go and leave me here? I would have gladly died with you—

Anything but being left here by myself. Kagome, what do I have to do to see you again?

_Back then, when we met,  
__It was all awkward.  
__We went the long way, didn't we?  
__We got hurt, didn't we?_

I remember when we met like yesterday, Kagome. It's kinda funny, really; if anyone had asked me how we met a year ago, I would have had to think before I answered them. Now, I'd probably punch them in the face for not knowing themselves. When you pllued that arrow out of me, Kagome, when you set me free, I never thought that I would like you.

Especially when I thought you were Kikyou and you weren't.

But slowly, steadily, you showed me that you were much better than Kikyou in some ways. Like how you never let anyone decide how you life would be, Kikyou's reincarnation or not. You wouldn't even let us make you forget about your tests, whatever those are. I don't know why they were so important, but I'd take a million of them for you if I could.

I know that I was a horrible friend to you sometimes. I know that I hurt you. I wish that I could do it all over again. I'd make it up to you. I would. Please, Kagome, believe me when I say I would make it all better. I would wipe away your tears, I would hold you, kiss you when you needed it.

If only I could go back and do it all over, make it all better for you, Kagome.

_Back then when we met,  
__It was all awkward.  
__We went the long way, didn't we?  
__We got there in the end._

Kagome, can you ever forgive me? I made your life a living hell. I feel so badly, like there's an ache in my heart that won't go away. Kagome, forgive me, and make the pain go away. You're the only one who can.

I need you, Kagome, so much more than I ever knew. Please.

I know, Kagome, that I don't deserve you, that I'm the reason…that you're gone. I don't care about the greater good, the world being a better place. None of that matters if you're not here. There is not perfect world without you.

I just—I don't know what to do anymore. It all hurts, Kagome. Life hurts. Breathing hurts. Seeing , hearing, it all causes me pain. But I know you wouldn't want me to take my own life, so I won't. I won't do anything that could disappoint you.

But I need you here, Kagome. I'm solely dying without you, heart, body, and soul, regardless of demon abilities. I just…I can't do it anymore, Kagome…I want to be with you, see you, touch you so badly…

I love you, Kagome. Please, come take me with you.

* * *

So, how're ya doin'? I hoped you liked it. And I also hope that those waiting for VR aren't mad at my update...

Yeah, for now, I'm putting up a bunch of one-shots, and then I'll move on to Calm, and them eventually to some other multi-chaps that I want to put up. I know I keep explaining this over and over, but I want to make sure that no one emails me later and says that I didn't warn them about VR going on hiatus. If you didn't read the update...

Also, for the stories that I'm putting up, please check out my bio regularly. I will still accept requests for one-shots, but don't expect them to be too long.

I hope you liked this one. I apologize if I let anyone down.

"I will return, for I am the darkness..."


End file.
